where do i go from here?

my trembling hands are covered. covered in dust. i don't know what to say. my heart is bleeding. i reach all to quickly all to often for a cigarette. i cant find my shoes. my my. consider the fact of being lost forever. i try to wrap myself around that. try to swallow the reality of the circle in live in. the insomnia that plagues me. my heart is heavy. my words make less and less sense. isn't there somewhere to go?

i watch as droplets of myself fall heavy, soundless onto the hot concrete. the lack of sound is deafening.

depleted of all hope and energy of to many lost loves to many sleepless nights too many cruel people. these people are an epidemic.as if i would really believe. i loath the fact i am becoming less and less of the girl i was, and more and more of who i am not. i hide in my house. i hide. i hide. when what i really want is to tell you tell them to go to hell.

i am unafraid. i am just finding that the truth is unavailable, like an answering machine that never beeps.

who is it that brings me down. i know you i know them i am relentlessly haunted by their faces in the dark. i wish to dream away and to awake to find a vast ocean beneath my feet. to find that money is not an issue. that people are really basically good. ~alas~ dream on sweet dreamer. if i could find a key that would un lock- my heart that would find the demons that lurk there and they would be evicted they could find a better place to stay. i want to become unconsumed by this. this like liquid arrogance suffocates me. this - bastard - stealer of souls - thief of truth - scandalous person of the dark night that resides in my soul.