fingerprints

"our fingerprints don't fade from the lives of the people we touch"

I so know that to be true. once a man came through my line while i was working in a book store. he was native american had long black silk for hair. upon his left middle finger was a turquoise ring so beautiful i wished it was mine. he said to me "child," (as he reached for my left hand to put in his) "your soul is very old, you have lived many lives and carry the troubles of those lives. your spirit is beyond this time and space. you are a part of the gods hearts, they love you and give you a gift of foreseeing, did you know?" i told this amazing man holding my hand, "yes, i know" yet he was not done, "your spirit will fly with the eagles when you time is done on this earth you will move to a place of peace and love, and i will see you there." he bought his how to cook for one book and with a wink he was gone...his fingerprints will never fade from my life.
how amazing it is that things like that happen, it wasn't the first time i was approached by a stranger and i doubt it was the last. but it resonates within me.
you see, i love people. they my be mean and cruel, they may come with a black heart, but there are the ones that making loving people worth it. thanks mom, gramie, sharon, eve, bones, james, jess. thanks for reminding me that there are pure spirits abound.thankyou man at my counter. lady in the elevator. man on the street. it goes on, but for now you know who you are if your living right, i am thankful to you.

blessed be we all are each and every day.

this came out today.

who is it that said "the truth shall set you free" ? check this, as i am heart broken feeling stupid and used my favorite and only trustworthy astrologer says...

CANCER (June 21-July 22): This would be an excellent week to grieve
madly and deeply about the old love affairs that shattered your heart. I've
rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for
purging the residual anguish from those old romantic collapses. So I
suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and
bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing
the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and
maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid
goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create
a rousing healing ceremony?


beat that black hearted bitch

maybe ill sing him a last little sound

Have you ever been left behind? your feet trailing so much slower than the ones practically running in front of you, running from you?
i have.
As of late I've been trying new things...like grammer,lol watch out. Praying daily has been a part of my dayly life for so long now, but now i pray with a lightness in my heart I carry no casual dread while i pray i let everything fall around me and conncet to the spirt. it is amazing, try it. I have been trying to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful, not an ugly girl. trying that is really hard.
this blog! i was just using it as an outlet for sad poetry but now i wanna talk out loud with my keyboard. so here goes nothing but randomness! :)

NEW!

Ok... so I want this to be a cool blog. One that i can talk about my life and friends. One with stories and photos.

so lets look forward to that I've gotta figure some blog stuff out then I'll be posting away:)

namaste'

s-

not sane

watching myself in the mirror - i'm dancing again. who knew?

stuck in a fungus filled funk, im a lot tired. i cant find the strength to get out of my bed it makes me sad i'm filled with sadness - filled

where is the place i can go home. i need to feel like me.
this misdirection is taunting.

i keep trying chemicals to even out my brain , they keep failing.

why.

why do my eyes burn from blue blue tears?
i feel like im standing alone in a baby swimming pool, you know the ones from walmart. It doesn't have any water in it.
what the hell is going on?
i can't be this crazy.
jumping outta my skin crazy. bizarre feelings engulf me and my heart and my self.
these words made no sense. make no sense.

I want a movie theater that serves beer and shows movies for cheap.

I want to learn humility, patience and how to love wholly and freely.

I want to help erase cynicism from the forefront of my generation's mind and attitude.

I want to embrace that which makes me uncomfortable and uneasy.

My first list of wants would indirectly benefit or effect others, I guess. My motivations aren't awful.

happy thoughts - can you fly?

Madame Zelda's fortune cookies *jar* - she has survived 8 years of MY life. wee~~~~ hats off to Madame Zelda.

Grapico

the sound of my mom laughing its contagious

children and old people dancing

the wind picking up leaves just to send them into a spiral dance .....it makes me feel like faeries are around saying hello to me.

i love the taste of blackberry jam.

staying up all night listing to music ~ sounds that inspire me to be more.

bella asleep on my shoulder or wrapped around my feet

patchouli

candles that light themselves:)

rain against my face.

the sound of a train passing by.

the thought of finding peace

knowing i am enough

champagne , enjoying it alone, or with others

the pulse of new ideas

the sound of my shutter.........the click of my camera

eves voice

bananas with chocolate and honey

waking up in the woods.

the smell of vanilla-it reminds me of another time.

acoustic sounds against my chest

each day. each day.

where do i go from here?

my trembling hands are covered. covered in dust. i don't know what to say. my heart is bleeding. i reach all to quickly all to often for a cigarette. i cant find my shoes. my my. consider the fact of being lost forever. i try to wrap myself around that. try to swallow the reality of the circle in live in. the insomnia that plagues me. my heart is heavy. my words make less and less sense. isn't there somewhere to go?

i watch as droplets of myself fall heavy, soundless onto the hot concrete. the lack of sound is deafening.

depleted of all hope and energy of to many lost loves to many sleepless nights too many cruel people. these people are an epidemic.as if i would really believe. i loath the fact i am becoming less and less of the girl i was, and more and more of who i am not. i hide in my house. i hide. i hide. when what i really want is to tell you tell them to go to hell.

i am unafraid. i am just finding that the truth is unavailable, like an answering machine that never beeps.

who is it that brings me down. i know you i know them i am relentlessly haunted by their faces in the dark. i wish to dream away and to awake to find a vast ocean beneath my feet. to find that money is not an issue. that people are really basically good. ~alas~ dream on sweet dreamer. if i could find a key that would un lock- my heart that would find the demons that lurk there and they would be evicted they could find a better place to stay. i want to become unconsumed by this. this like liquid arrogance suffocates me. this - bastard - stealer of souls - thief of truth - scandalous person of the dark night that resides in my soul.

unspoken

I walked outside there was nowhere to repent.

I see now that I have been gone too long with the darkest intent.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

There is no beat left in my drum, as dark angels start to haunt my dreams.

Stones fill my mouth - so full I cannot speak; I cannot breathe, somewhere along the way I have lost my way….

To be a creature of this universe knocks me down too my knees every day.

I am plagued by the ever essence of the humanity that fails me.

If I fell in the water could I swim?

I spend my whole life in disguise. It's any wonder I haven't been found out .

All consumed by the stones that cut my mouth, I taste lies, and unkindness, false promises, lost hopes and failed dreams.

The inside of me is wilting; a lily passing into the veil.

To no avail can my senses adjust, wrapped into a time that won't yield for me.

I scream silently to the sky. Why do you keep me so entwined?

The seams of my body are splitting, each part less painful as before.

..............................................................................................................

I am broken but not shattered, deafening but unspoken.

no gravity

my heart weeps.
its blood is pouring into my body, presses against my skin looking for a place to get out.
just to get out.
i understand my heart that way.
i need to get out of myself.
run.
run.
run.
it will never be far enough or close enough to where i need nor where i want to be.
i can't handle me.
finding me is lost.
there is no gravity governing me.
amongst the sparkly star i wish apon each night holds the dreams i have lost.
how do you dream again?
if you have nothing inside, if you are void of want, how do you find it and own it again?
im thinking of painting my nails red. maybe my heart will feel a bit better to see its color splashed onto the outside.
i wonder, in deed i do.
i have all that i want.
i have all the love i need.
i can not find me.
can not find me.

view

a view is intercepted by my view.
i find that whats brighter to you may be darker to me -
the breath of a stranger is more familiar to me than mine own.
who is it that stands in front of this mirror.
the reflection unusual, yet not uncomfortable.
i feel my own skin as if touching a stranger.
which gypsy skin shall i dance in tonight?

this is random

today is Sunday while p. cline and are are chill in- finding hotels for happy birthdays:)
oh baby dog Rosie stole and ate the pot. oh my oh my. she is sleeping soundly curled up against my thigh......

light scribe rocks. fyi.

i wish sara was home already.

Strange Mindnight tests

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||| 42% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 74% Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Histrionic |||||| 26% Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 62% Avoidant |||||||||||| 42% Dependent |||||| 22% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 46%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

sara took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! ""Is driven toward things that appeal to the senses..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

blender

i feel, fallen,
from where i don't know.
my mind keeps circling around nothing
void void void.
its stepping into the depths of nothing and yet as complicated and dreary as it is not. i feel fallen.
my heart is sore like it pumps to much or maybe not enough.
my mind is creatively constipated.
my soul is lost in a blender somewhere.
nothing fits together
and- its not that the pieces are broken its that i have a jumble mess of pieces that never fit together to begin with.